Therapy for Adoptive Moms
Somatic Therapy for Adoptive Mothers in Washington
You worked so hard to become a mother. You shouldn't have to work just as hard to pretend it's everything you imagined.
You wanted this family. You imagined what life would look like when your children finally came home. You knew there would be challenges, but maybe you weren't prepared for just how overwhelming and emotionally complicated adoptive motherhood could feel.
Maybe the connection you expected didn't happen right away. Maybe you're constantly triggered by your children's needs, struggling with anxiety, or responding in ways you promised yourself you never would.
And sometimes, in the hardest moments, you find yourself wondering:
How did I get here? Why is this so hard? Did I make a mistake? What if I'm not cut out for this?
Then comes the guilt. Because you're not supposed to have those thoughts, right?
You chose this. You wanted this. You worked so hard to become a mom.
But loving your children and struggling with adoptive motherhood can both be true.
You deserve a place where you can be honest about what you're experiencing and begin healing the patterns that may be getting in the way of the connection you want.
When You Chose Motherhood, It Can Feel Like You're Not Allowed to Struggle
There's an unspoken pressure that can come with adoption.
When things feel difficult, you're supposed to be grateful. When you feel disconnected, you're supposed to try harder. And when the attachment you imagined isn't happening, you might wonder what's wrong with you.
You might look at other families and wonder why connection seems to come so naturally to them. Why does it feel like you're working so hard for something you thought would just happen?
There may be beautiful moments of joy and connection. But then something happens. Your child becomes upset, needs more than you feel capable of giving, or pushes against you, and suddenly you're overwhelmed again.
The guilt and shame can become just as exhausting as the parenting itself.
But attachment develops over time. It isn't something we can force simply because we want it badly enough.
Your children arrive with their own histories and experiences. You bring yours.
You can love your children and still struggle to feel connected. You can be grateful for your family and still grieve the motherhood experience you thought you'd have.
These feelings deserve understanding and support, not more shame.
I Understand Because I've Been There
I'm not only a somatic trauma therapist with 20 years of experience. I'm also an adoptive mom.
Both of my children came home together. My daughter was almost four years old, and my son was seven months old.
And to say it was overwhelming would be an understatement.
I loved my children and wanted to be the mom they needed. But I was also overwhelmed, constantly triggered by their needs, and struggling to feel the connection and attachment I thought would come naturally.
And that was hard to admit, even to myself.
Sometimes I felt like I was going through the motions, doing everything I thought I was supposed to do, hoping the feelings would catch up.
There were beautiful moments, of course. Moments of joy, connection, and hope. But there were also years when I felt like I was simply trying to survive.
And with that came guilt and shame.
I knew I had my own patterns and struggles, but I didn't realize how much I was carrying from my childhood, relationships, and even generations before me.
I didn't understand how deeply those experiences were influencing my nervous system, my ability to connect, and how I showed up as a mother and partner.
I kept searching, learning, and trying different approaches. But what I didn't understand then was that I couldn't simply think my way out of patterns deeply rooted in my own experiences.
I needed to do my own healing.
When I began working more deeply with my nervous system, attachment wounds, and protective patterns, things started to shift.
Not overnight, and not because parenting suddenly became easy.
But because I began understanding myself differently, building more capacity for difficult emotions, recognizing my triggers, and responding with greater awareness instead of simply surviving.
I often wish I'd had access to the kind of support and healing work I now offer other women.
That's why this work is so personal to me. I understand how isolating adoptive motherhood can feel, and I don't want other moms spending years trying to figure it all out alone.
Your Child Has a History. And So Do You.
Adoption brings together different experiences, attachment histories, and nervous systems.
Your child may be carrying the effects of early separation, loss, trauma, or disrupted relationships. And you may be carrying your own experiences of anxiety, rejection, emotional neglect, or patterns passed down through generations.
Sometimes those histories meet in ways that activate reactions you don't fully understand.
Your child's anger might trigger your own history of feeling unsafe around conflict. Their difficulty connecting might activate feelings of rejection or inadequacy. Their constant need for reassurance might leave you feeling overwhelmed and depleted.
Sometimes, the very things our children need from us are the things we didn't receive ourselves.
And when your nervous system is already overwhelmed, responding with patience and connection can feel almost impossible.
Healing your own attachment wounds and protective patterns doesn't mean you'll never get triggered again. It means developing greater capacity to recognize what's happening and respond with more awareness and choice.
Does Any of This Sound Familiar?
Post-adoption anxiety or depression: Feeling overwhelmed, anxious, depleted, or emotionally disconnected.
Attachment challenges: Struggling to feel close to your child or wondering why connection feels so difficult.
Guilt and shame: Feeling like you should be happier, more patient, or more grateful.
Emotional triggers: Reacting intensely to your child's behavior and feeling terrible afterward.
Old family patterns: Recognizing responses from your own childhood that you promised yourself you wouldn't repeat.
Relationship strain: Feeling disconnected from your partner or struggling with the demands of family life.
Loss of yourself: Wondering what happened to the woman you were before motherhood.
You may understand exactly how you want to respond to your children but find yourself doing the opposite when you're overwhelmed.
Knowing what you want to do isn't always the same as having the emotional capacity to do it.
This Isn't Parenting Coaching. It's Healing Work for You.
There are valuable resources for adoptive parenting strategies, understanding children's behaviors, and building attachment.
But my work focuses on something different.
You.
Your nervous system. Your attachment history. Your emotional experiences. Your protective patterns. Your needs.
Because you can understand your child's trauma, know all the right parenting approaches, and still find yourself overwhelmed or shutting down.
Through somatic therapy, parts work, EFT/tapping, mindfulness, and attachment-based approaches, we'll work together to:
Understand your emotional triggers and protective responses.
Process unresolved trauma and attachment wounds.
Build greater nervous system capacity for stress and difficult emotions.
Reduce shame, guilt, and the pressure to be a perfect mother.
Recognize and shift generational patterns.
Create more space for patience, connection, and repair.
Reconnect with your own needs, identity, and joy.
This isn't about fixing your child or teaching you how to parent. It's about healing what's happening within you so you have more capacity to connect, respond, and build the relationships you want.
You Don't Have to Be a Perfect Mom to Build a Connected Family
Some days you'll feel patient, grounded, and connected. Other days, you'll feel overwhelmed or unsure of what to do next.
The goal isn't perfection. It's learning to understand yourself, recognize your patterns, and develop more capacity to meet difficult moments without losing yourself in them.
As you heal what you've been carrying, you create more room for connection, patience, repair, and the joy you hoped motherhood would bring.
Your children don't need you to get everything right. And you deserve to experience motherhood without constantly questioning whether you're enough.
I offer online somatic therapy for adoptive mothers throughout Washington and Idaho, whether your children recently came home or you've been navigating adoptive motherhood for years.
You don't have to keep living in survival mode. And you don't have to figure it all out alone.