A Simple Guide to Understanding Your Parts
IFS therapy, or Internal Family Systems therapy, is an approach that helps you understand the different “parts” of yourself that show up in your thoughts, emotions, physical sensations, reactions, and relationships. Instead of trying to get rid of the part that worries, people-pleases, gets angry, shuts down, or needs to keep everything under control, IFS invites you to get curious about why that part is there and what it may be trying to protect.
For many of the women I work with, this changes the question from:
“What is wrong with me?”
or
“Why can’t I handle what everyone else seems to handle?”
to something more useful:
“Why does this part of me react this way, and what has it been trying to do for me?”
I’m Gina Watkins, LICSW, a somatic trauma therapist with over 20 years of experience. My training includes somatic therapy, Internal Family Systems (IFS)/parts work, and EFT tapping. I work with women and moms navigating anxiety, burnout, trauma, motherhood stress, and old family patterns, and I often integrate these approaches into both weekly therapy and Therapy Intensives.
What is IFS therapy?
Internal Family Systems was developed by therapist Richard Schwartz. The model is based on the idea that we all have different “parts,” each with its own feelings, beliefs, memories, and ways of responding.
You probably already talk this way without realizing it.
Part of me wants to say no, but another part feels guilty.
Part of me knows I need a break, but another part won’t let me stop.
I know she probably isn’t upset with me, but something in me immediately thinks I did something wrong.
IFS gives us a way to slow these moments down.
Rather than deciding that the anxious, angry, perfectionistic, or shut-down part is the problem, we become curious about what it learned to do and why.
What does “parts” mean in IFS?
Parts are not separate personalities. They are different ways we respond to our experiences.
One part of you may be incredibly capable and organized. Another may feel small and unsure. One may want closeness, while another pulls away the moment a relationship starts to feel vulnerable.
The IFS model describes these parts as having a purpose, even when the way they are trying to help no longer works very well.
That is one reason I appreciate this work.
We do not begin with:
How do we get rid of this?
We begin with:
Can we understand why it is here?
What are managers, firefighters, and exiles in IFS?
IFS describes 3 broad types of parts.
What are manager parts?
Managers try to prevent painful things from happening.
They may plan, prepare, overthink, people-please, stay productive, anticipate everyone else’s needs, or work hard to keep everything under control.
The women I work with often have very busy managers.
This can look like the part that remembers every appointment, notices every shift in someone’s mood, keeps track of what everyone needs, and still wonders at the end of the day whether she did enough.
From the outside, she may look incredibly capable.
Inside, she may be exhausted.
What are firefighter parts?
In the IFS model, firefighters tend to show up once something painful has already been activated.
Their job is relief.
That might look like snapping, shutting down, withdrawing, scrolling for hours, staying constantly busy, eating, distracting yourself, or wanting to get away from whatever you are feeling.
Rather than judging the reaction immediately, we become curious about what happened right before it.
What are exiles?
IFS uses the term exiles for more vulnerable parts that may carry old hurt, fear, shame, loneliness, or beliefs about yourself.
These parts may hold experiences of feeling unseen, rejected, unsafe, unimportant, or responsible for things that were too big for you.
Other parts may work very hard to keep those feelings out of sight.
What does IFS mean by “Self”?
The IFS model also describes something called Self.
Self is not a perfect version of you who stays calm all the time and never gets triggered.
Within the IFS model, Self refers to a more grounded, curious, compassionate presence that can emerge when protective parts do not have to work quite so hard.
Instead of:
I’m failing.
there may be a little more space:
There is a part of me that is really afraid I’m failing right now.
That can be a meaningful shift.
You are not denying the feeling. You are also not completely becoming it.
How can IFS help you understand old family patterns?
This is where IFS becomes especially meaningful in my work.
Our patterns rarely come from nowhere.
We learn in families and relationships what creates connection, what creates conflict, whose feelings need attention, whether it is safe to have needs, and who we may need to become to feel loved or secure.
Maybe being helpful worked.
Maybe staying quiet worked.
Maybe anticipating everyone’s needs worked.
Maybe being successful, independent, easygoing, or responsible worked.
Then you grow up.
Your life changes, but some of those parts may still be doing the jobs they learned years ago.
You may know intellectually that you are allowed to disappoint someone and still feel panicked when you do.
You may promise yourself you will respond differently with your children, then hear something familiar come out of your mouth when you are overwhelmed.
You may know you deserve rest and still feel uncomfortable the moment you stop moving.
For me, this is where parts work and cycle-breaking come together.
Breaking a family pattern does not mean blaming your family or becoming a perfect mother, daughter, partner, or person.
It means becoming aware enough of the pattern to have more choice about what you want to carry forward.
It is about repair, not perfection.
What can parts work actually uncover?
One pattern I have seen repeatedly is what I think of as the fixer and the watcher.
The fixer wants to solve the problem immediately. Make it better. Smooth things over. Figure out what needs to happen next.
But underneath that can be another part that is constantly surveying the room. It notices facial expressions, changes in tone, silence, tension, and any sign that something may be wrong.
When we become curious about those parts, the question can shift from:
Why am I so controlling?
to:
What did I learn could happen if I wasn’t paying attention?
Another pattern I often see is the connection between being needed and feeling loved.
A woman may be the person everyone counts on. She is capable, generous, thoughtful, and good at taking care of things.
But when we slow the pattern down, there can sometimes be a quieter fear underneath:
If I’m not useful, will I still matter?
The work is not about becoming less caring.
It is about beginning to separate love from usefulness so caring does not have to require abandoning yourself.
These examples are composites based on recurring themes in my work. Details have been changed and combined to protect client confidentiality.
How does Internal Family Systems therapy work with trauma?
Internal Family Systems therapy for trauma approaches protective responses as something to understand rather than something to push through.
Within the IFS model, a therapist may become curious about what a protective part fears would happen if it stopped doing its job. The intention is not to force past protective responses or immediately move toward painful memories.
In my practice, I often pair parts work with somatic therapy because these responses may also show up in the body.
Your jaw tightens.
Your chest braces.
Your stomach drops.
You suddenly feel numb.
You want to leave.
Your mind goes blank.
Sometimes the body gives us information before we have words for what is happening.
Research on IFS for trauma and PTSD is growing, including recent studies of IFS-based treatment programs. At the same time, the evidence base is still developing, and IFS does not currently have the same established research base for PTSD as several guideline-recommended trauma therapies.
What actually happens in an IFS therapy session?
An IFS session can be quieter than people expect.
We might begin with something that happened during the week, such as the guilt you felt after setting a boundary or the way your whole body tightened when someone seemed disappointed in you.
From there, we might:
Notice the reaction. What happened, and what part seems to be showing up?
Notice your body. Where do you feel it? Tightness? Heaviness? Restlessness? Numbness?
Notice how you feel toward the part. Are you curious about it, or is another part frustrated with it?
Get to know its job. What is it worried about? What is it trying to prevent?
Notice what it may be protecting. If there is enough readiness and space, we may become curious about what is underneath.
There is not a prize for getting to the deepest memory.
Sometimes meaningful work is noticing a part you have criticized for years and understanding it differently for the first time.
Is IFS a somatic therapy?
IFS can be a deeply somatic, body-based approach to therapy, particularly when we pay attention not only to what a part is thinking or saying, but also to how that part is showing up in the body.
Parts are not always experienced as words or thoughts. You may notice a part through tightness in your chest, a knot in your stomach, tension in your jaw, an urge to pull away, restlessness, heaviness, numbness, or a change in your breathing.
That is somatic work.
We are paying attention to the body as part of the therapeutic process rather than relying only on talking or intellectual understanding.
IFS itself is a distinct psychotherapy model, and there are also explicitly somatic approaches to IFS that place even more emphasis on body sensation and embodied awareness. In my own work, I use IFS as a body-aware, nervous-system-informed approach. We notice the thoughts and stories of a part, but we also notice what is happening physically as that part comes forward.
This can be especially meaningful in trauma work because our stress responses are not experienced only as thoughts. They can also show up as activation, bracing, collapse, numbness, tension, impulses to move away, or difficulty settling.
So for me, parts work and somatic therapy are not 2 completely separate things that I switch back and forth between. The way I practice parts work is somatic.
We are listening to the story.
And we are listening to the body telling the story too.
Can you do IFS in a Therapy Intensive?
Yes. I use parts work in both weekly individual sessions and Therapy Intensives.
My intensive package includes 3 three-hour intensive sessions, along with a 1-hour preparation session before the intensive work begins and a 1-hour integration session afterward.
Longer sessions can give us more uninterrupted time to notice a pattern, get to know the parts involved, work somatically with what is happening, and leave room for settling and integration before we finish.
That does not mean longer is automatically better.
Some people prefer the rhythm of weekly therapy. Others appreciate having more space at one time.
You can learn more about Therapy Intensives here.
Is this a good fit for you?
IFS may be worth exploring if you:
Keep repeating patterns you understand but still struggle to change.
Have a strong inner critic.
Feel responsible for other people’s feelings.
Struggle with perfectionism or people-pleasing.
Overthink interactions or constantly read the room.
Become anxious, angry, numb, or shut down when overwhelmed.
Notice old family patterns showing up in relationships or motherhood.
Have done talk therapy and want to work differently.
Want to understand your reactions without treating yourself as the problem.
Something else may be a better fit if you need a particular evidence-based treatment for a specific condition, require a higher level of care, or need crisis support.
Good therapy is not about fitting yourself into one particular model. It is about finding an approach, pace, and therapist that fit what you actually need.
How do I find an IFS therapist near me?
If you are searching for “IFS therapy near me” or an IFS therapist, look beyond a long list of therapy modalities on a directory profile.
Ask questions.
How does the therapist actually use IFS?
What training and experience do they have with parts work?
Do they integrate IFS with other approaches?
How do they approach trauma and nervous-system responses?
What does a typical session with them look like?
And notice something less measurable: how you feel talking with them.
You want a therapy relationship where you can ask questions, disagree, slow things down, say something is not working, and be an active participant in the process.
I am based in Vancouver, Washington, and provide telehealth therapy to clients in Washington and Idaho.
Frequently Asked Questions About IFS Therapy
Is IFS therapy evidence-based?
IFS has a growing research base, including recent studies of IFS-based approaches for PTSD. The research is still developing, and the amount of evidence varies depending on what is being treated. IFS does not currently have the same established evidence base for PTSD as several guideline-recommended trauma-focused therapies.
How is IFS different from regular talk therapy?
Talk therapy can mean many things, so there is not one simple comparison. In IFS, instead of only discussing a reaction from the outside, we may become curious about the part experiencing it, what that part believes, what job it has taken on, and what it may be protecting.
Can IFS therapy help with anxiety?
IFS can be used to explore parts involved in anxiety, such as parts that anticipate problems, overthink, seek control, stay highly alert, or avoid situations that feel threatening. Rather than treating the anxiety response as an enemy, IFS asks what that response may be trying to accomplish.
Can IFS help if I already understand my patterns?
It may. Many people come to therapy already knowing where a pattern comes from. The frustrating part is that understanding it has not necessarily changed how they feel or react. IFS provides another way to relate to the pattern rather than only analyzing it.
How long does IFS therapy take?
There is no single timeline. The length of therapy depends on what brings you in, your history, your goals, your current circumstances, and how you prefer to work. I offer both weekly individual therapy and longer-format Therapy Intensives, and we can talk about which structure fits you best.
Can I do IFS therapy online?
Yes, IFS and parts work can be used in telehealth therapy. I provide secure telehealth sessions for women in Washington and Idaho, including weekly sessions and Therapy Intensives. Whether online therapy is appropriate depends on your individual needs and the level of support you require.
You don’t have to get rid of any part of you
IFS therapy is not about deciding which parts of you are acceptable and getting rid of the rest.
It is about becoming more curious about the parts that have been working very hard for a very long time.
The part that worries.
The one that keeps everyone happy.
The one that pushes through exhaustion.
The one that shuts everything down.
The one that watches the room.
The one that believes she has to be useful to matter.
Those patterns may have a story.
Understanding that story can give you more choice about what you want to keep carrying and what you may be ready to do differently.
If you are in Washington or Idaho and are curious whether IFS/parts work, weekly therapy, or a Therapy Intensive might be a good fit, you can schedule a free 20-minute consultation call. You do not need to know exactly what you need before you reach out.
If you're in crisis, call or text 988 (the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or go to your nearest emergency room.
About Gina Watkins, LICSW
Gina Watkins, LICSW, is a somatic trauma therapist with over 20 years of experience supporting women and moms navigating anxiety, burnout, trauma, motherhood stress, and old family patterns. Her work integrates somatic therapy, IFS/parts work, and EFT tapping, and she provides telehealth therapy to clients in Washington and Idaho.
Outside of being a therapist, Gina is also a mom of 2 teens, an animal lover, and someone who feels most at home hiking and spending time in the Pacific Northwest.